Falling Into You
by laffertyluver23
Summary: Entry for "The Me and Mr. McCarty" contest. Slash. Paul and Emmett's relationship throughout the years and how its changed- for better and worse.


"**The Me and Mr. McCarty" One-Shot Contest**

**Title**: Falling Into You

**Summary**: Emmett and Paul were childhood friends until Paul left when he was eighteen. The two haven't seen each other for seven years, and many things have changed. Can they repair their relationship and finally let it blossom?

**Pen name:** LaffertyLuver23

**Primary Players**: Emmett & Paul

**Rating**: M

**Word Count**: 9825

**Beta'd by:** LaffertyLuver23

**Disclaimer**: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization. All lyrics are from Justin Nozuka's CD _You I Wind Land and Sea_.

**To see other entries in the "Me and Mr McCarty" contest, please visit the C2: .net/community/Me_Mr_McCarty_Contest_Entries/80509/ **

**and/or the official List of Entries Page on the contest blog. ****http://meandmrmccarty(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/approved-entries-list(dot)html**

A/N: I was inspired for this story from one of my all time favorite books _At Swim, Two Boys_.

A/N2: Whatever back story I didn't know, I made up!

_Over any distance_

_The Sun will disappear_

_Darkness with its powers _

_Taking over anything that fears_

_You plant that Seed_

_The Light is on the way_

_-You I Wind Land and Sea _

_Fall 1997_

It was a Saturday morning in October. Emmett McCarty followed behind his father down the hospital corridors, a black, leather bound bible held securely in his sweaty palm. Every Saturday the two would come down to Clallam County Hospital and read scriptures to a few of the patients and try to brighten their day.

The first time Emmett came he had been six. The family had been at a prayer group that morning and little Emmett didn't want to have to spend the rest of his Saturday afternoon with his mother and two sisters. John McCarty had laughed as his son had looked up at him with a dimpled smile and pleaded to let him come with him on one of his trips. His wife, Mary had at first thought it wasn't such a good idea to let Emmett be around people who were in various states of dying, but John had insisted it would build his character.

He remembered being terrified when he saw his first hospital patient. He had never seen someone who wasn't old, look so fragile, so unreal. John had told him that they had came to pray for people and make them feel good. At the time, Emmett didn't believe anyone could feel good being in a hospital. His father reminded him to be brave, and that God would want him to be brave for the people. Emmett had clutched his little fist around the cross pendant around his neck and started to smile. He would be brave for these unreal people, for God.

_He's so cute! Have you seen eyes that blue? Aww, I just want to take him home!_

The nurses had patted his curly black hair, and pinched his dimpled patients had also really loved him. One man gave him the cookies his daughter had baked him. One woman insisted he sit on her bed while she told him stories about the war and life when she was a little girl. They even applauded him when he recited the Lord's Prayer, even though he had stuttered through it. That day Emmett feel in love with helping people and had wanted even more so to be a minister like his father.

It had been six years since his first visit, and the too bright fluorescent lights still unnerved him. Emmett looked into the open rooms as he passed them. Each room seemed to get worse and worse. He wrapped a hand around the cross around his neck and put on the smile that the patients had grown so accustomed to.

"John McCarty!" a soft voice called out. Emmett's smile faltered slightly as he looked at the patient who had called out to his dad. The woman looked liked she was young, but whatever it was she had, had worn her body down.

"Ana!" Emmett's dad walked into the room and embraced the woman in a hug. Emmett took the time to look at the woman. She looked to be Native American and was stunning. She was very thin, and little bruises littered her body, but something about her still seemed to glow from within. She reminded him of a martyred woman who was going to heaven to become an angel.

Ana pulled back and looked to the door at Emmett. "Don't tell me this is your son, Emmett? I remember he was up to my knee the last time I saw him, now I bet he's as tall as Paul." Ana pushed a strand of long, dark hair behind her ear and smiled at Emmett. For the first time in years he was truly at a loss for words. Emmett managed to smile and wave a hello, placing his bible on the small table near the door.

"Speaking of Paul," John continued, oblivious to Emmett's sudden shyness, "is he around here somewhere?"

"Yes, I think he went down to the cafeteria to pick him up something to eat. I wish he'd hurry back so you could meet him Emmett. I think you two will get along great. Paul just turned thirteen, so you two should be close in age if I remember correctly." Emmett couldn't imagine Ana old enough to have a son his age.

"Yes ma'am, I'll be thirteen in January."

The smile radiated off of Ana's face. "It's a good thing you're such good boy because I can already tell you're going to be a looker," she chuckled. "I bet you'll be a sweetheart. No breaking hearts, you hear me?"

Emmett ducked his head and blushed. "Yes ma'am."

"How are you feeling Ana?" John said after laughing good naturedly at his son's embarrassment. The glow orbiting around Ana seemed to dim slightly. She looked down into her folded hands, before looking back up with a smile on her face.

"As good as to be expected," she said softly. John looked at Ana with worry in his eyes, then at his son.

"Emmett, why don't you go down to the cafeteria and see if you can find Paul?" Emmett wanted to remind his father he had never met Paul, but knew better than to disobey him. He said a quick 'yes sir' and walked out of the hospital room.

Emmett walked down the corridor, waving to the nurses he recognized. He had just reached the elevator when he saw a familiar flash of russet skin and dark hair out of the corner of his eye. He was reminded of Ana and knew instantly it was Paul that had passed. The elevator chimed and the doors opened to let him on. A family stared at him, waiting for him to get on so the elevator would close. Emmett mumbled an apology and headed in the direction he had seen Paul.

Emmett stopped at the end of an intersection that held the nurse's station one way and a deserted corridor the other. He peeked around the corner to see Paul looking back and forth down the hall. Paul then crouched over a drawer and reached inside to pocket a few bottles of something. Emmett's eyes widened as he watched Paul steal from the hospital. He stepped backward to leave, but Paul had already looked up and caught him. Paul jumped at being caught, but relaxed when he saw it was by a teenager.

Paul's face, which resembled his mother's almost eerily, was twisted in a scowl. He marched up to Emmett and grabbed the front of his white button down. Paul's nose was inches from his and he could feel the boy's breath on his face. His eyes burned with anger, but from what also looked like embarrassment from being caught.

"Stealing is a sin." Emmett muttered. It was the first thing he could think to say, but now he wished he had just kept his mouth shut.

Paul snorted. "Fuck you! Just listen to me, don't say shit about this, you hear me?" Paul snarled, gripping tighter onto Emmett's shirt. Emmett noticed a cut on Paul's lip that had started to re-open as he sneered at him.

"W-what did you take?" he stammered.

Paul slammed him back into the wall. "Don't fucking worry about it!" He pushed them further down the hall so they wouldn't be noticed. Paul was a few inches taller than Emmett, which surprised him, because at 5'9 he was tall for his age. Paul also looked rough, almost more worn down than his mother. Something about him though still reminded Emmett of a martyr, like with Ana.

"I know your mom, Ana." Emmett tried again.

"You don't know shit," Paul barked back, but his hold on Emmett lessened.

"Is the medicine for her?"

Paul looked away before facing Emmett again with a frown still on his face. "Yeah, so what? She's always in pain and these fucking doctors won't do anything about it." Paul let go of Emmett.

"I won't tell anyone. I would do the same for my mom, even if it is a sin."

Paul looked at him and snorted, shaking his head. "You're fucking priceless, you know that? What's your name?"

Emmett didn't know whether it was a compliant or not. "Emmett McCarty." He tried to smooth the wrinkles out of his shirt from were Paul had grabbed it.

"Well Emmett McCarty, I'm Paul. I guess I owe you a thank you for not ratting on me." Paul looked at Emmett with a smirk. He rubbed his stomach through his thin, blue t-shirt, as if contemplating something. "Friends?" he asked, reaching out his hand to Emmett.

"Friends." Emmett agreed. His took Paul's hand in his, unconsciously initiating the beginning of a friendship that would change his life forever.

_And on my way to reach the gate_

_You take my hand_

_And pull me in again_

_-Love_

_Fall 2010_

"McCarty!"

I cringed at the voice and turned around to see RN Rosalie Hale motioning me to the nurse's station. I walked over to her and flashed one of my famous dimpled smiles. The woman was a bitch who loved to make me miserable and get into my business.

"Yes ma'am?"

"This isn't fucking Alabama McCarty, so cut out the 'ma'am' bullshit." I couldn't help but laugh at the scowl on Rosalie's face.

"Oh Rose, you shouldn't frown like that, it leads to wrinkles." Another nurse named Alice, giggled at my jab. Alice also liked to gossip, and the little pixie-like woman had way too much energy, but she was one of the few nurses I got along with.

"Fuck you McCarty, Rosalie Hale does not wrinkle, she's perfect." Rosalie said with a flip of her hair.

"And Emmett McCarty has patients to see, so what do you want?" I countered, already tired of her.

This seemed to brighten Rosalie up. "Some hot guy has been asking for you. He sounded

like he knew you pretty… _intimately_, anything you plan to share?" Rosalie lifted a perfectly arched eyebrow at me. At the new piece of potential gossip, Alice perked up in her seat.

In the few months I had been doing my residency at Clallam County Hospital, my relationship status had been the topic of much conversation. I knew I was a very attractive man, with a face and body that could get me just about anything or anyone I wanted, and a personality that genuinely drew people in. I'm a catch and I know it.

After I had politely declined invitations from several of the women at the hospital, Rosalie included, they quickly decided I must gay and probably had tons of hot man-sex.

"You know, I just know _so _many guys," I said, playing into the gossip. "You're going to have to be a little more specific Rose."

"He was tall, dark, fucking _gorgeous_, with a bad-boy kind of look. I think he said his name was Peter? Patrick?"

I froze. "Paul?" I questioned. Rosalie and Alice both watched me. I was trying so hard to remember what his face and the smirk I knew I had loved looked like.

"Yeah, that's it. I told him to wait in the lobby."

"He's in the lobby?" I asked. My eyes were on the women, but I was looking through them. My mind kept flashing back to memories of me and my childhood friend.

_Just friends?_

"That's what I said dipshit." Rosalie's voice cut through my thoughts. I shook my head at her, blowing off her annoyance with me, and walked to the elevator. The elevator came quickly and I got on, pressing the L button for the lobby. I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking. I hadn't seen Paul in seven years.

The elevator opened and I walked out into the lobby. I looked down the rows of chairs for a shock of black hair and tanned skin. Tired parents and agitated children stared back at me.

"Emmett," the voice made me stop and feel like I was eighteen all over again. I turned to see Paul standing behind me with a coffee in his hand. The man had on worn blue jeans and an old white v-neck. His hair was disheveled and it looked like he had acquired a few more scars in the last few years.

"Paul." I forced myself to walk up and hug my old friend. The scent of cigarettes, sweat, and _life_ lingered on Paul. I breathed in the scent and hugged the man tighter before pulling back.

_I love you. _

"It's been awhile." Paul smiled, faint crows feet stood as another indicator that the last seven years hadn't been kind to him.

_I'm sorry I left you._

"It's been too long man." Paul took a sip of his coffee. "I see you're going to be a doctor. Last time I was here, you wanted to be a minister like your father. I heard about his death by the way, and I'm really sorry. He was the best man I ever had the pleasure of meeting. Well, second to you of course." Paul smiled.

_Everyone is second to you._

"Yeah, I wanted to be a minister, but things change, you know?" I cleared my throat.

_You fucking hurt me. _

"But thanks about my father, he would be happy to hear you say that." My dad had died two years back from a heart attack.

We stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes, until Paul spoke again. "How about we go to our spot at Three Waters and catch up?" Paul offered. He was always so confident, but standing in front of me he looked nervous.

_Please don't hate me._

"I have to finish my shift-" I started. I wanted to go with him but a part of me wasn't ready.

"Fuck your shift." Paul said, rolling his eyes. "Besides, I already told your boss I was coming to get you for a family emergency." Paul grinned at me mischievously.

"Now let's hurry up and go help grandma." I chuckled at Paul. I was still leery of the man's sudden reappearance into my life after seven years. We had split ways pretty abruptly, and part of me was still scorned, but the other half ached to have my friend back in my life.

_I can't hate you._

"Ok, let me go grab my things and change out of these scrubs." I said to Paul, turning back to the elevators.

_Lying by your side _

_I never felt this right _

_I know it's real this time_

_-My Heart Is Yours_

_Spring 1998_

"I can't believe you wore fucking slacks and a button-down to the park," Paul muttered under his breath.

They were pushing further and further into Three Waters county park. Emmett looked up at the gray lines of clouds against the bleak sky. It was April and the air was still cool against his clothed skin. He looked ahead to Paul, who was in his standard t-shirt, climbing over medium sized rocks and rotting logs.

"It's fucking hot!" Paul stopped momentarily to pull his shirt over his head and tuck it into the back pocket of his shorts. He was always abnormally hot. Emmett glanced briefly at the large scar on Paul's right shoulder. It was raised and jagged and angry. He was curious, but never questioned his friend about it.

In the week after they had become friends, Paul had introduced him to his favorite spot at the park. Washington was home to many parks, but Three Waters was one of the few that was virtually undisturbed by human interferences. The day Paul had first lead Emmett to the secluded meadow near the waters edge, he had had so much excitement in his eyes.

The weather had been even colder. Emmett's lungs had heaved and protested as Paul set an unforgiving pace through the woods. Paul had talked the whole time, pointing out animal tracks and what plants were safe to eat if you got stuck in the wilderness. He had scoffed at Emmett when he'd asked if he had learned all his information at boy scouts.

"I'm part of the Quileute tribe, I'm better than any fucking boy scout. And quit breathing so damn hard church boy, it's ridiculous how outta shape you are."

The woods started to thin, signaling the meadow was ahead. Paul ducked underneath a fallen tree and jogged toward the meadow. Emmett gazed at Paul standing in the meadow. The grass was the vibrant green only possible after it rained. In that moment the green of the grass, the brown of Paul's skin, and the overcast of gray blended together. The beauty of the scene confused and awed him.

"Hurry up man!" Paul shouted, turning around to Emmett. Emmett shook his head slightly and went to join his friend. As Emmett walked up into the clearing, Paul had already taken a seat in the dewy grass.

"I thought you were going to teach me how to fish with my bare hands today?" Emmett questioned, taking a seat next to Paul.

"Better on a sunny day," dismissed Paul. He laid his back on the ground, keeping his legs bent, and threw his left arm over his eyes. "I just want to lay for awhile." Emmett looked at his friend and then at the trees surrounding them.

"You can lay down too ya know, I promise I don't bite."

Emmett rolled his eyes and laid down beside Paul. His mom would be upset about his dirty church clothes but oh well. "So…" he started.

"Do you think God truly gives a shit about everyone?" Paul blurted out. Emmett was taken aback by the sudden question.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because, you're the one who wants to be a minister one day, so you should know the answer."

"Well," Emmett started, "of course God cares about all his children."

"Then why does he let bad things happen to good people?" he asked, turning his face to look at Emmett.

Emmett looked into his friend's eyes. Paul looked at him like he knew he would have the answer, and whatever he said would be fact. For the first time since Emmett had known Paul, he seemed his age. Like a scared thirteen year old boy.

"Is this about your mom's MS?" he asked cautiously.

"She's in so much pain Em, and I can't help her." Paul turned his head back forward so he was facing the sky. "She's never done a bad thing to anyone, and she goes to church all the fucking time, and she prays every night… I just- I just don't understand it." A tear rolled down Paul's cheek but Emmett didn't point it out.

"And then my dad, the fucking bastard…" Paul growled, his fist balling at his sides. "As if she wasn't in enough pain to have to deal with his bullshit." Emmett wanted to help his friend, take away his pain, but didn't know how.

_Help me God. _

"Paul, how did you get that scar on your shoulder?" The air stilled, and nature stopped as if it knew a big moment was about to happen and it didn't want to intrude.

Paul gazed at his friend. His lip quivered at his effort to snarl. Even though he was breaking he was trying to be tough.

"My father came home drunk, like he always does, and found my mother lying in her own piss because she was in too much pain to get up to go to the bathroom. I should have been watching her, but I had fallen asleep," he paused. I waited patiently.

"I woke up to his screaming. I walked into their room and I saw him standing over her, shouting in her face. I was so afraid he was going to hit her so I ran up and just started hitting him, over and over.

"He grabbed my shirt and flung me into the nightstand. I hit the lamp and a piece of it got stuck in my shoulder. He started cussing me out for bleeding everywhere and the hospital bills he would have to pay. I remember before I blacked out feeling proud because at least my mom wouldn't be the one in the hospital."

Paul's gaze was on the grass beneath them. Tears were no longer in his eyes, his impenetrable walls were back up and just as strong. The two let Paul's story wash over them. This was the first time Emmett had heard about Paul's home life, and a part of him wished he could rewind time and pretend his friend's scars and hardened attitude were the outcome of something else.

Time suspended to speed up to suspend again. A change was occurring in the meadow, and the boys would not leave the same.

"I don't know why you have the dad you have, I don't know why your mom has MS, but I do know you have a purpose." Emmett began slowly. "God has a reason for everything and he loves you. He wouldn't put you in a situation you weren't strong enough for. You're strong Paul, God knows this, and God will help you. I believe with all my heart everything will work out, just let him know you need his help." Emmett said with conviction. He prayed his rambling was helping Paul.

Paul stared at him for a few moments before turning back to the sky. Emmett's heart had clenched, as he thought he had failed his friend. He felt something warm on his hand. He looked down to see Paul's hand on his. Emmett looked at Paul, but Paul had his face up and eyes closed, lips moving softly. He was praying.

Emmett swore the forest stayed still for the eternity of silence between them. Finally the leaves began to rustle and the wind continued its movement as Paul's fingers stroked Emmett's hand and his whispered '_I love you_' broke through the air.

_I know I'm foolish_

_I know I broke your heart_

_I also know we can work through this_

_-Woman Put Your Weapon Down_

_Fall 2010_

"I remember that jacket," said Paul as I walked toward him. I looked down at my green Adidas jacket that I'd had since my senior year in high school. My dad had gotten me the jacket as a Christmas present that year. It was the one of two more Christmas's I got to spend with him.

Paul turned and started to walk out of the hospital, telling me with his silence that his words were merely a statement I shouldn't feel the need to respond to. I followed Paul to the parking lot where he lead me to a red Nissan maxim. I noticed the _Enterprise_ tag- the car was a rental. I wondered briefly if he was planning on staying or leaving again, then I remembered I shouldn't care.

We got into the car and he started it up. Paul put in a cd by a band I didn't recognized. Other than the wails of some mediocre singer, the ride to Three Waters was silent. I stole quick glances over at Paul. His fingers were drumming the beat on the steering wheel. His lips mouthed the words to the song. I chuckled to myself as Paul had his mini jam session. My brain kept trying to go back to memories of us before he left and the whirlwind that was my life after he had left, but I forced myself to stay on the drum of fingers here in the present.

Blurry green trees began to come back into focus as we slowed and pulled into the entrance of Three Waters. Paul parked the car by the gate and pulled the key out of the ignition.

"Still in button downs I see." I looked at my white, button down polo underneath my jacket and pressed khakis with creases running down the front of them. My conservative days where long gone but I still dressed like I was planning to follow in my father's footsteps.

When I didn't respond, Paul sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. I followed his lead and got out of the car. We stood for a moment on either side of the car, looking out into the wilderness, anywhere but at each other.

Paul moved to the trunk. He opened it and rummaged through a duffel bag until he pulled out a black t-shit and a pair of basketball shorts.

"Here," he said, tossing the clothes at me. I held up the shirt and read the 'Hooters' logo on it before looking back at Paul. "I don't want to dirty you up."

'_Too late.' _I thought to myself, but unzipped my jacket. I placed the jacket on the roof of the car and unbuttoned my polo. I placed my polo and my undershirt along side my jacket. I dared a look at Paul. His eyes were trained on my chest and the tattoo inked on the skin underneath a sprinkle of black hair. I quickly pulled the Hooters t-shirt over my head and worked on undoing my pants.

Once I was dressed in Paul's clothes, we headed to our spot in the forest. With each step the fabric tugged and pulled at my shoulders and ass. Paul was three inches taller than my six feet two inches, but I outweighed him by at least thirty pounds.

"You always were bigger than me," Paul said when he noticed my slight discomfort. I took in his body. He had always been thinner than me, but now he looked _skinny_. His face and shoulders where all sharp angles and skin pulled tight over bones. I shrugged and continued to follow him.

We continued our journey through the woods much like our car trip, the sounds of birds and wind filling in our silence. I watched as Paul climbed over rocks and mounds, his chest heaving deeply, sweat collecting on his forehead. Thirty minutes in and his body began to shake with exhaustion. He looked weak and fragile.

"Let's take a break," I called to him.

"I'm not tired," he huffed back at me with an edge to his voice.

"I didn't say you were, I am." I replied, sitting down on a boulder to effectively end the conversation. I looked over at Paul who was trying to breath regularly, refusing to show how tired he was now that he knew I was watching him.

"Just sit down Paul, it's obvious you're tired."

"I said I wasn't tired Emmett."

"Yes, you are." I was not in the mood for his attitude. I wasn't the fucking love sick kid who put up with his shit anymore.

"Don't fucking tell me how I feel! Just drop it Em!" Paul shouted at me. I knew deep down I was being petty, that I just wanted to piss him off, so he could feel a fraction of what I had felt when he left me.

"Fuck you!" I roared. "I don't know why I even bothered to come here with you! I fucking hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I fucking hate you Paul! God, I woke up and you were gone, and now you think you can just come back into my life? Fuck you!" My heart exploded and my lungs felt like they were on fire. All these years, years filled with so much anger and hurt, I had never voiced how much pain I had been in. It felt good, _I_ felt good.

Paul's jaw clenched and unclenched. Tears brimmed his eyes. I knew my confession had hurt him, and I couldn't bring myself to care. I had loved him unconditionally. I had put him over my faith which had meant so much to me, over my family, and he had left me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I wanted to tell him it was okay, that I forgave him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss away his pain. I stayed still and glared at him from the ground.

"Emmett, please talk to me."

"What do you want me to say Paul?" I asked. I was suddenly tired. I leaned back onto the tree behind me and looked up at Paul. He was desperate for this conversation to be over and for us to make up and continue on like we should have seven years ago.

"Anything." Paul walked up to me cautiously and sat down on the forest floor at my feet. "What happened in the past seven years to make you hate me?" I wanted to say that I didn't hate him but something inside of me wouldn't let me. I would be lying.

"After you left, I told my family about us. I told them that I was in love with you and that when you came back I was going to move in with you. At the time I truly believed that your leaving was a temporary thing, that you just needed time to think, and would be back in a few days.

"My mother cried so hard that day, and my father just looked at me with the most disappointed look on his face. I had ruined everything. I had crushed their dreams of me taking over the church, of an elaborate McCarty-Swan wedding, of grandchildren, but I loved you, and I was okay with disappointing them if it meant being with you." I felt Paul rest his cheek on my knee. Instinctively my hand made its way into his hair and began to message his scalp.

"They didn't kick me out, but things at home weren't how they use to be. I was glad to go off to college in the fall. I tried calling your dad to see if maybe you were there. In my head I had thought up this grand explanation as to why I hadn't seen you in months. You had went to say goodbye to your dad, you two got into an argument, and he had hurt you so bad you were in the hospital and trying your hardest to heal so you could come back to me.

"I thought up so many different reasons for why you weren't with me, until finally I realized it was because you didn't love me. That's when the nightmares started. I would dream these horrible dreams, all of which ended with me waking up covered in sweat, screaming at the top of my lungs. I had to get a private dorm it got so bad.

"After that, I focused on my school work to take away the pain. I guess in a way it was something positive that came out of the whole experience. I graduated at the top of my class and got accepted into my first choice medical school. I appeared to finally have my life on track, but I was still lonely. After that night with you, I hadn't been with another man. I didn't know how to be with another man. I was still Emmett McCarty- preacher's son. Though I had only seen my family a handful of times, and I hadn't been back to my father's church, I still held my values close.

"I wanted to change that though. Good Emmett was broken the night you left, and it was stupid of me to act like I was the same guy. So I got my tattoo. I got a wolf, because it was the only thing I could think to get. I went to the bar and got wasted. I met this guy Sam, who reminded me of you, he was Native American too. I let him fuck me." I could feel Paul breath in sharply at my admission.

"I told him it was my first time, and he was gentle. He whispered sweet words in my ear and told me he loved me when he came. I knew he was just saying that in the heat of the moment, but it felt nice to hear. We dated for seven months, two of which he would beat me regularly. I don't know why I let him, I guess the pain was more than I had felt in a long time and that was nice."

"Em," said Paul, sitting up to lay a hand on my cheek. "I'm so sorry," he sobbed, tears streaming down his face. I had wanted to hurt him with my story, but now I regretted it. I wish I could take my story back, and pretend like Sam never happened. I felt Paul's arms wrap around my head, pulling me tightly into his chest.

"I hate myself that I wasn't here for you. I hate that someone else touched you- hurt you. I wish I could kill the bastard," Paul growled. I wrapped my arms around Paul. It felt so good to be in his arms again.

_I'm alone and you're well gone_

_And I can't fight it _

_You said goodbye _

_And I asked why_

_And started crying _

_-Soulless Man_

_Spring 2002_

Emmett looked at his reflection in the mirror. He had argued adamantly with his mother on renting a white tux instead of black. A black tux just looked so 'formal' and too serious. Now looking at the black suit in the mirror, he was glad his mother had forced him into getting it. Emmett wore a black button down with a light blue vest over it. His sisters had forced mousse into his hair so that his dark hair curled lightly at the ends. He smiled at his reflection. On the outside, he looked handsome and excited, but his stomach was doing somersaults.

It was the night of his junior prom, and Emmett was dreading it. His father had planned for him to go with Bella Swan since he reached junior high. Her father was one of the bishops at the church, so them being together was like a sealed deal.

Bella was a sweet girl, and pretty enough in a girl next door kind of way. He had known her since he was four and everyone at church just knew they were going to get married one day and be the perfect little Christian family.

A part of Emmett actually _wanted _that to happen. He and Bella shared the same ideas when it came to faith and family, and she would make a perfect wife, but-. Emmett didn't really know what the 'but' was per se, but his plans of marrying a good, safe, Christian woman, and becoming the minister of his father's church, just didn't seem enough anymore. He wanted to feel alive and be dangerous sometimes, and not feel like his faith was binding him. He wanted to feel _free_ like he did when he was with Paul.

Paul. The two had become inseparable in the four years they had been friends. Emmett stayed busy with football, work, and his church duties, but he still made time to hang out with Paul. Most Friday nights and Saturdays were spent with Paul at Three Waters, talking about whatever was on their mind at the time, and escaping their everyday lives.

Emmett had begged Paul to come to the prom but he refused. Paul dropped out of school earlier in the semester and hated any reminder of his freshman and sophomore years or his 'years of hell' as he liked to call them. Emmett really just wanted to spend his Saturday night laughing with his friend, not with an awkward date, wearing a monkey suit- even if he did look good in it.

"Emmett! The Swan's are here!" Emmett's oldest sister Jane shouted up to him from downstairs. He looked at his reflection one more time before sighing and heading down to meet Bella and her parents.

Emmett jogged down the stairs, coming to a halt when he saw Bella standing in front of him. She looked absolutely gorgeous. He liked how her long, wavy brown hair was swept into an elegant bun at the nape of her neck, showing off her face. Emmett let his eyes travel lower to the blue sequined dress that hugged her slime frame perfectly. Gone were her dirty converses and tomboy outfits- tonight Bella looked like a young woman- and a beautiful one at that.

"You look really beautiful Bells."

Bella blushed, and ducked her head. "Thanks Em, you look right handsome yourself."

Emmett looked over Bella's shoulder to see her mother and his with toothy grins on their faces and tears threatening to fall. His younger sister looked bored out of her mind, and his older sister was gushing at Mrs. Swan at how amazing Bella looked. Both dads had cameras around their necks, ready to snap pictures.

Emmett placed his hand on Bella's hip and lightly turned her so that she was by his side, facing their parents. He watched Bella roll her eyes as her mother began to let her tears fall, mumbling about how perfect the two of them looked, and how important the night was for them. Emmett was happy. In that moment, with Bella on his arm, and his family beaming at him with proud faces, the thought of replaying this scene again, but at his and Bella's wedding brought a smile to his face.

"You two just look so good together," Mrs. Swan sniffled. "It's like you two were just meant to be."

"So true! I'm just so glad my Emmett has such a fine girl as Bella," Mrs. McCarty agreed with her friend. "I can't wait for the wedding!"

Collective laughs of agreement sounded through the room. The weight of his mother's statement left a cold feeling in Emmett's stomach, and wiped the smile off of his face. The brief excitement Emmett had felt for the night was gone, and he was back to dreading prom, and questioning his future.

"I think it's time for us to go," Emmett said to his parents, taking Bella by the hand.

"Yes of course. You all be safe and have fun tonight!" Mr. McCarty said to the pair. Emmett and Bella hugged their parents before leaving out of the McCarty house toward Emmett's car.

"That was awkward," said Bella, buckling her seat belt.

"Very." Emmett agreed, turning on the car and peeling out of the driveway.

The car ride to the prom was quick, and surprisingly not painful. They talked the whole car ride about trivial things, mainly just trying to fill the silence. Even though Emmett was getting tired of Bella's 21 questions, he still had the decency to not be rude to her and answer all the questions- with enthusiasm.

Once inside, Emmett's opinion of the night became even more bleak. The decorations were tacky, the music was obnoxious, and people kept coming up to him to talk about the playoff football game and his nomination for prom king. He didn't feel like talking about sports and especially not prom, so he focused his attention on Bella. He knew she would refuse to dance to anything but a slow song, so he opted to sit with her and talk about their plans after school.

"I really want to go to Columbia University. I know it's across the country, but they have a great writing program, and it's been my dream to go there since I was eight."

Emmett looked at Bella, surprised by her admission. He had always thought she would go to UW, become a teacher, marry someone in the church (most likely himself), and have a ton of kids. He had no idea she wanted to move to the East coast.

"Wow, so do you want to be a writer or something?"

"Yes, I want to be a journalist, maybe work in New York City." Bella paused to look Emmett in the eyes. "I wasn't made for a small-town. I get tired of the monotony that is my life. I get tired of the persona expected from someone with the last name 'Swan'. I love Forks, but I want more you know?"

"Yeah Bells, I know exactly what you mean," said Emmett, thoroughly awed by this new side of Bella, and slightly ashamed that he had been one of many to judge her. He was about to talk more with her when his phone buzzed. Emmett reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

_Come outside_

_-P_

Emmett turned toward the closet door. Paul? Paul was here at prom?

"Excuse me, I'll be right back." Emmett stood without waiting for a response and walked to the exit.

"Yo McCarty!" James, a teammate of Emmett's called out. "Just wanted to let you know I voted for you man!" Emmett waved a thanks at his obviously inebriated friend and continued toward the doors.

He walked out into the night air, looking out into the parking lot for any signs of Paul. All of a sudden Emmett felt an arm around his throat, holding him in a head lock. The hold on his neck increased, and he could feel his air supply rapidly shortening. Right when black was starting to seep into his vision, the arm let go and he could hear a male's laughter.

"Cheese and rice Paul!" Emmett shouted, rubbing his sore neck.

Paul grinned wolfishly at his friend. "It's _Jesus Christ _church boy." Emmett rolled his eyes. He wanted to be pissed at Paul, but he was truly glad to see his friend.

"What are you doing here?" asked Emmett, wincing when it came out harsher than he intended.

The smile on Paul's face dropped, and he shoved his hands in his front pockets. When he averted his eyes so that he wasn't looking at his friend anymore, Emmett became nervous.

"What's wrong Paul?" Paul lifted his head to try to smile reassuringly at Emmett, but he looked pained.

Emmett's stomach dropped and his heart constricted. "Paul, you're scaring me," he said shakily.

"I um," Paul stopped to clear his throat. "Me and my mom are moving away to escape my dad."

"That's awesome news! Your dad's a jerk and it's about time you two got away," Emmett sighed in relief.

"We're moving to Scottsdale," Paul said flatly. He watched his statement slowly sink into Emmett, and his dimpled smile melt from his face.

"As in Arizona?" The question was soft and desperate. Emmett needed Paul to say no, that there was a Scottsdale, Washington that many people didn't know about.

"Yea Em, Arizona. My mom has people there, and they got me a job lined up-" Paul stopped his rambling.

In all his seventeen years, years filled with hospital visits, and hundreds of scriptures recited to church members who were experiencing times of pain, and times having to pretend not to notice Paul's scars that never seemed to heal quite right, Emmett had never been this sad. He had never felt a sadness so deep, it broke his heart in half and left him empty. He didn't know why Paul leaving would effect him so heavily, he just knew he hurt.

"This is so embarrassing," Emmett mumbled as he tried to fight the tears rolling down his face. He tried to cover his face with his hands, but Paul grabbed his wrist. Paul pulled Emmett's arms apart and placed them on either side of his waist. He then wrapped his arms around Emmett's waist, letting his friend bury his face into his shirt. Paul placed a hand to Emmett's head, and rubbed circles into the soft curls.

They stood in the parking lot, Emmett crying into Paul's shirt, Paul trying desperately not to think about how hard it would be to leave his best friend, his only friend.

"Em?"

"Yeah," Emmett huffed into his shirt. He was done with his tears and felt exhausted. By now his weight was being mainly supported my Paul.

"I want you to have this," he pushed Emmett off of him gently, so he could remove the necklace from his neck. "It was my grandfather's. The pendant is of a wolf because they are suppose to be the protectors of my tribe. I wore it when I was little because I thought the wolf would protect me from my dad. The necklace means a lot to me, and take it as my promise to come to Forks. I can't live without this necklace, so I have to come back."

Emmett lifted his head and reached out his hand to accept the necklace. Paul stared at his friend. Emmett had always reminded of a doll, with his perfect features and porcelain skin. Emmett's honey eyes were puffy and bloodshot. His red tinged cheeks and nose contrasted starkly against his alabaster skin. He looked like a sad doll that Paul had finally broken.

Paul had worked so hard not to break Emmett. He had a habit of ruining his nice things, but he hadn't wanted that to be Emmett. So he refused to tell Emmett how truly bad it got at home, or how he had sex with men to pay bills when his dad would blow his checks on booze, or the things he did to his friend in his dreams. No- he knew what it was like to no longer be golden, so he had tried so hard not to mess it up for Emmett.

But now, looking at the person who meant the world to him, his full bottom lip quivering with the need to cry- Paul knew he couldn't hold back. He laced his fingers through Emmett's curls and pulled the shorter boy's head to his, placing his lips softly on top of Emmett's. His lips were cold and wet from tears. Paul worked quickly and desperately, forcing his tongue into Emmett's mouth and to the back of his throat. He could feel Emmett clinging to him, massaging his tongue against his own with the same hunger.

Paul couldn't remember how long since he had wanted to kiss Emmett, he just knew he never could. Emmett's purity and ability to bring light to any situation was what had drew Paul in and he had promised himself he wouldn't ruin it. But he had, Emmett was now soiled and broken, just like him. So now that they were both dirty, it was okay to kiss him and show him how good corruption could be.

He pulled back after what felt like days, but was really only seconds. The boys stood panting, Emmett's eyes holding confusion, Paul's eyes holding lust. Emmett ran his tongue across his bottom lip, the taste of Paul still there.

"Sorry," Paul whispered, unsure of whether he was saying it because he had kissed Emmett, or because he could practically see the smudge marks he had left on his friend that would never come off.

_Oil in the water_

_How come you can't be with me_

_Oil in the fire _

_Remember how it use to be _

_-Swan In the Water _

_Fall 2010_

"I didn't want to leave you, but I was scheduled to deploy that morning." I lifted my head off of his chest with a look of confusion written clearly across my face. "Before I left Scottsdale, I signed up with the army. I knew they would make me come back to live with my dad, and I couldn't handle that. I knew if I had to live with him again I would kill him.

"When I came back, I was so scared that you would have forgotten me. You were my only friend growing up, and the only person besides my mom who ever loved me. That first night, when you invited me to your house, and I ate dinner with your family, and then held you in my arms as you fell asleep, I had felt complete. I realized that night how my love for you was different from your love for me."

"But it wasn't-" I started, but Paul cut me off.

"Two weeks later, the night before I left, I thought about that night we had together every night overseas. I meant everything I said that night, and please believe me when I say I love you just as much now as I did that night." Paul exhaled a shaky breath. He dug his tongue into the side of his cheek, forcing himself not cry.

"The war changed me Emmett. I saw so much, things that no one deserves to see. I came back more damaged than I was before, and I was so afraid you wouldn't love me anymore, and I couldn't handle that. I drank _a lot_, and was so depressed, I thought about killing myself everyday." Paul let go of me a took a few steps back, trying to collect himself.

"I went and visited your church a few weeks ago. This guy Edward, told me that you had graduated UW at the top of your class and had recently started your residency, that's how I knew where to find you. I know I shouldn't have come to you, but I had to try. I love you too much Emmett." Paul's voice was soft and scared, it reminded me of that day in meadow when he told me about his scar.

"Why didn't you just tell me you were going into the army instead of letting me believe you regretted being with me?"

"I knew if I told you, you would convince me to stay."

"And why would that have been such a bad thing?"

"I had to leave Emmett," he said. He sounded tired.

I looked at Paul, broken and defeated before me. I could tell he needed me to understand him and reassure him that I loved him too, but I wasn't ready to do that. We were standing in the woods of Three Waters, our secret meadow meters away, and the spark I had felt as a teenager had faded. A lot had changed in seven years- and in the change, I had crawled out of the pit of love I had fallen into. And though I felt pulled to dive back in, head first, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

_As the last of me goes under _

_Sinking in the water world destitute _

_In the back I hear the thunder_

_In my memory I'm falling into you_

_-How Low_

_Spring 2003_

It had been almost two weeks since Paul had come back from Scottsdale. In the year he had been gone, Emmett had come to accept several things about himself- one being, that he was utterly in love with his best friend.

The night Paul had come back, Emmett had invited him to have dinner with his family. His mom had joked about Paul's hearty appetite, his father had questioned politely about his mother's health, and his sisters fawned over how handsome he was. Later, when they had retired to his room, Emmett had flattened himself against Paul and kissed him for everything he was worth.

Paul had chuckled. "Careful, you're parents are right now the hall."

"Maybe I don't want to be careful?" Emmett smirked, and ground down his groin onto Paul's. Paul had just laughed at his eagerness and opened his arms to let Emmett rest on his chest.

"What's gotten into you church boy?"

"I was hoping you," Emmett responded, his voice not as confident as before.

They had just cuddled that night, but here it was almost two weeks later and Paul was draped over Emmett, leaving kisses on his neck, his hands roaming over the muscular form underneath him. Their relationship had progressed quickly in the two weeks since Paul had returned, and Emmett couldn't imagine how he had been without Paul for a whole year. The McCarty's were at a church function, and Emmett had lied and said he was sick so he could have the house to himself to spend the day with Paul.

"I want you to make love to me." Paul pulled away from Emmett's neck and stared into his lover's eyes. The look of pure love and trust on Emmett's face sent a shock throughout his body.

"Are you sure?" Emmett answered by pulling Paul down for a kiss.

He nipped softly at Paul's mouth, taking his time to massage both lips with his own. Paul snaked his hands up Emmett's shirt and rubbed his muscled sides, his thumbs rubbing patterns into the soft hair that sprinkled Emmett's abdomen. Slowly he worked the shirt up until it was bunched up under Emmett's armpits. Paul broke their kiss to lift Emmett's shirt over his head. His necklace with the wolf pendant, laid heavily on Emmett's sternum as a reminder of his love for Paul. Paul groaned at the sight and sat back, his ass resting on Emmett's crotch as he pealed off his own shirt. Paul laid his body flush against Emmett's and crashed his lips back onto his.

Emmett moaned around Paul's tongue, the sensation of Paul's bare chest against his sending waves of pleasure across his body. Emmett laced his fingers through Paul's short hair and pulled the man closer to him. Paul eased a hand in between their bodies and began to unzip Emmett's pants. He fingered through the soft hair he felt at the waistband of his lover's boxers before reaching in to grab hold of Emmett's manhood.

Emmett's backed arched violently at the feeling of Paul's rough hand on him, and he threw back his head to moan loudly. Paul chuckled and sucked on Emmett's neck, his hand slowly working up and down, wringing exotic sounds from his lover.

"I want to see you naked," Emmett shuddered, bottom lips pulled tightly between his teeth. Paul gave Emmett's neck one last suck before removing his hand to push himself off the bed. Emmett keened at the lost.

Paul smirked, and unbuttoned his shorts. He pulled them down to reveal he wasn't wearing underwear. Emmett groaned at the sight.

"You're so beautiful," Emmett said. Paul blushed and leaned over the bed to pull Emmett's shorts the remainder of the way down. He started down at Emmett, his length curled and leaking, eyes blown and skin flushed red. He had never seen someone so perfect.

"I love you, Em." Emmett whispered an 'I love you' back and spread his legs to let Paul in. Paul climbed toward Emmett, running his hands down his thighs, resting them on the globes of Emmett's ass. He leaned forward and licked a stripe down his perineum. Emmett didn't buck, but his breathing shallowed as Paul stuck his tongue inside him.

Paul dove his tongue in and out of Emmett, stretching him with his tongue. He stopped to suck on a finger before placing it at Emmett's entrance.

"This might hurt a little," Paul warned. He took a hold of Emmett's length with his other hand to try to distract his lover. Paul stuck his tongue back inside the hole, and slowly worked his finger inside. Emmett hissed, but started to push his back down onto Paul's finger. Paul slide his finger in opposite thrust with his tongue, building a steady rhythm.

"A-add another one," Emmett stuttered, pushing into Paul's face, and up into his hand.

Paul removed his tongue to slick up another finger, then added the two and his tongue back into Emmett. Emmett bucked this time, whining at the fullness.

"_Paul," _he breathed, working his body faster. A thin layer of sweat made his made his pale skin glitter in the faint like of the room. "I need you inside me."

Paul stilled his tongue and removed his hands from Emmett. He climbed to his knees and placed himself in front of Emmett's entrance. Paul's cock twitched as he looked at Emmett's tight, pink hole, slightly stretched but still extremely tight.

Emmett nudged Paul forward by pushing his heels into thighs. Paul breathed in then took a hold of himself, lining up with Emmett's entrance. He pushed in slowly, stopping when his head was fully seethed. For a minute all Emmett experienced was pain, but then something in his body gave and Paul was slipping further into him. He gasped when he could feel Paul's hipbones, telling him his lover was fully inside of him.

Paul pulled out slowly and inched his way back in. He looked at Emmett's face, there was still pain, but underneath love shown through. His heart swelled at the look Emmett was giving him. He knew Emmett loved him and would forever be his.

He picked up the pace when he knew Emmett was ok, relishing in Emmett's moans of approval. When Paul found his prostate, Emmett tightened his grip onto his back, screaming out Paul's name in pleasure.

"Again, baby," Emmett ordered, trying desperately to meet Paul's thrust. Paul obliged, and pumped faster into Emmett, hitting his sweet spot over and over, until Emmett was coming in between them. The muscles of Emmett's ass tore the orgasm from Paul and he was coming not long after inside of Emmett. He collapsed on top of the younger man, panting into the crook of his neck.

Emmett hummed from his post-coital bliss. He ran his hand down his lover's sweaty back as little after shocks of his orgasm struck his body.

"I love you Paul."

"I love you too, Em, always and forever." Emmett smiled at the admission, believing fully in its statement. He had fallen into Paul, and would love him endlessly. He didn't think about his family, or his friends, or the church and what their opinions would be. He knew all that mattered was their love and that they could face any disapproval together, because Paul had promised him a forever.

_End_


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